Who the hell is allergic to P-A-M-P-R-I-N????

Let me get right to the point and answer your question: ME!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Yours truly is now doomed to deal with cramps, bloating, irritability (at the sun for rising, the sun for setting, my husband for having a penis, you know the drill), and all the other happy-schlappy crap that comes along when the good-ol' period comes by to kick my sorry ass.
Here's the story: I am not a healthy person. I am insulin resistant, hypoglycemic, hypothyroid, sometimes-yes-sometimes-not depressed, had hyperemesis (which is greek for "I'd rather be naked in a pit full of spiders than pregnant again")full term for the pregnancy, and suffer from seasonal allergies.
Did i forget anything? Of yes...the polycystic ovarian syndrome. Just the icing on the effed-up cupcake that is me.
So anywhoo, here I am OFF of my Zyrtec-D during the pregnancy and then here I am ON it again a few months postpartum. I noticed right away that it wasn't working "right" because I was still sniffling and blowing my nose like it was going out of style. But I failed to connect the sudden loss of hair and the onset of itchy, splotchy rashes on my rib cage, chest, and, ahem...in the special parts, with the Zyrtec-D. Or the pamprin. Or the midol. Or the nystatin cream that had been prescribed to treat the rash. Or the fact that the rash came, like clock work, with my monthly arch enemy.
The worst part of the whole bit was that my normally slinky-like crazy curls dried up so much that nothing (even water!) made it feel like anything but straw. If not contained in a bun, I was very close to being mistaken for a two-dollar crack whore.
Fast forward 8 months and past tests up the wazoo and multiple visits to the dermatologist and allergist, and they finally patch tested me for chemicals. (Cuz doing the patch test 8 months ago would not have been a good idea HOW?)
Come results day, I find out that I'm allergic to ASGFnladknv;sldVN ;lsdVN :lskadNF: or something equally confusing-sounding, and given a list of items that ASGFnladknv;sldVN ;lsdVN :lskadNF: is found in. And Whoopie! (Cue valley girl voice)It's like, in everyting I was using! (cue normal voice.)
My monthly period crack is now off-limits. So is the cream which was making said rash worse to begin with, and fun things like the rubber stabilizer in LATEX! (No condom babies for me!)
It's been a week since I stopped rubbing poison all over my body and stopped popping it like a tic tac in my twice daily allergy meds, and I'm feeling much better, thank you very much for asking. My hair is curly again and I am almost back to normal.
As for my next period...please accept my aplogies in advance for when I turn into one big cramp(y bitch). I won't tell you when it happens. I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out on your own.
As for the exra cash I was making...*sigh*... I'm going to miss it.