Looking back and moving forward

The air's getting cooler and the holidays are on their way. Normally, I don't find myself getting sappy and nostalgic until sometime around the New Year, but this year is different.

Things are different.

My dad isn't here.

It's been almost a year since he died, and time has passed in that way that both makes you think it has been an eternity and not even a day--all at the same time.

It's hard to look forward to family traditions that we now have to redefine, ya know? Halloween and my dad doing his duty to pass out the candy while my mom and sisters and I take the kids out in their costumes. Thanksgiving and the Lions' game and my dad hoping against hope that they wouldn't suck just once--and then a fun and filling family dinner. My mother's birthday (her 50th this year and the anniversary of my dad's death) and everyone good-naturedly making fun of my father for the gift he "forgot" to buy her--again.

I recently got a new phone when I changed carriers and found myself leaving my dad's contact info and caller ID photo in my new phone. I know he isn't going to be calling, but it's a little bit like holding on to something more concrete than a memory. That, and I get to have him with me no matter where I am.