Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Time for the F-word (or: Keeping it real)

If I could clone myself from the extra fat I currently have residing on my ass, I would do it in a heart beat.
I'm exhausted from constantly trying to keep up with my own internal To-do list, trying to stay up on my writing to actually call myself a freelance writer, family obligations, and just keep the damned dishes clean. And no matter how hard I try, something always still needs to be done.
So when I take time for myself, I end up regretting it later. Because at the end of the day, I end up with a sink full of dirty dishes, laundry that still needs to be washed, a workout that never became more than a to-do on my list, and a migraine from realizing that I am never going to be able to do it all.
Take today, for instance. My mother needed a ride to the doctor's office. Fine, that's doable. And since I was out, I decided to run a few errands I have been neglecting to take care of, like dropping off some donations at the Salvation Army, exchanging a bum pool Buttercup got for her birthday, getting Sweeter some gluten-free goodies from the grocery store, and stopping by the bookstore to by Buttercup a few more books.
I was exhausted to begin with after staying up until 3:30 a.m. the night before to finish a writing assignment, and to add to that, Sweeter woke me up at 8:30 this morning while he was trying to find sweat pants for his trip to the gym. Instead of getting back to sleep like I planned, Buttercup was soon awake and crying for breakfast, so there went my plans for rolling over and catching a few more moments of precious sleep.
So by the time I got home at 3 in the afternoon, I was ready for a nap. Screw my writing. Nothing I would have out together would have made any sense, anyway. And the dishes? Fuck 'em. ( I know I don't normally swear on here, but I'm tired and it's time to get real on here.) As for the laundry? You can guess my response to that.
So I crawled into bed with Buttercup and a few of her books, hoping to lull her to sleep.
Fat chance. Baby was wide awake and ready to rumble. So here I am in bed, trying to keep my eyes open to read to Buttercup and stay awake enough to keep her close to me, when Sweeter strolls in from his day out with his friends. He doesn't know that I've been out all day, so he's thinking I have been lounging since I woke up. When I am finally able to relay the day's events to him, he grabbed Buttercup, and I got a two hour nap.
So why did I wake up exhausted? Oh yeah...I forgot to take my Metformin today, which helps keep my insulin levels in check. (I'm insulin resistant.) Yep, Momma's a dumbass.
So the rest of the evening consisted of a leftover dinner and hours of mindless television. Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, anyone? Somewhere in all of that, Buttercup got her bath and fell asleep without a fight on my chest, and has been in the crib for about two hours now. (Yay for routines!)
And still, nothing has gotten done.
I know I need to get to bed, but just thinking about the rest of the week is making me want to find a rock to hide under. Preferably in a different zip code.
My sister-in-law and the whole crew are in town, so of course that means an obligatory visit to the in-laws tomorrow. I'll be going alone, by the way, because Sweeter already has plans. Lucky bastard. And just so everyone knows, I just found out about the little family barbeque this evening, otherwise I would never have made plans to go shopping with my mother and a friend to IKEA on Wednesday.I'd cancel just to give myself a break, but it's the only day my friend has available for the forseeable future.
That, and we are in desperate need of a few new comfortors.
We also already have Saturday and Sunday booked for babysitting the nieces and nephews and Sweeter's pre-birthday dinner at his mom's, respectively.
And somewhere in all this (normal) craziness, I still have to make time for house cleaning (anyone have a maid they'd like to lend?), work (that clone would come in handy right about now), spending some quality time with Buttercup that involves something other than me trying to keep her busy while I pack her diaper bag for yet another outing I don't have the energy to attend, and a few pathetic attempts to work out while I spend the last waking moments of my day wishing my ass fat away.
Seriously, how the hell do other people do this? How is it that I can walk into other people's houses, who HAVE kids, and see empty sinks and vacuumed floors and non-stressed faces? Do they have elves that clean while they sleep? Or do they just have extra time to do what needs to get done because their families aren't atrached at the hip?
Work at home moms??? What wonderful secret am I missing out on?
I'll let you in on a little secret of my own...Sometimes, I wish I lived so far away from our families that visits required plane tickets and hotel reservations. That, at least, would by me some, well, me-time.
And then, maybe, I could catch up on the mountain of laundry I have in the basement.



Mama Les said...

I love your blog! Just found it, and I got a kick out of your last post. Yes, F'the dishes, and keep watching Tori & Dean!! (and I also love watching Jon & Kate plus 8 on TLC).

Karyna said...

I really think u need a VACATION!
Just get away from it all....u know what I mean. If u keep on going the way u r, u're going to run out of fuel, if u haven't already, really quick. Don't be afraid to say no once in a while....trust me in the long run it'll pay off. Try to take it easy, hon.