Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'm sorry I have a baby?

Yep, let's just some my progress in the past 24 hours as non-existent. I still have to post for Baby Gooroo, too. And at 1:27 a.m., I'm wondering how much I will get done.

I wish I had started blogging much, much sooner. But truth me told, I had no effing clue what a blog even WAS, so hindsight isn't going to get me very far there, is it?
The reason?
My friend Sara is currently doing her damnedest to get pregnant. It's been about two and a half years and if I remember correctly, we both may have started trying about the same time. (Is that right? Buttercup is nine months old do the math. I am a writer. Enough said.)
Well, it took me 18 months (while everyone I knew popped out babies like Pez dispensers, including my sister's two boys), and in that time I found out I was insulin resistant and had PCOS (along with an already diagnosed thyroid problem). So much for being fertile Myrtle, huh?
Sara and I would talk and kind of console each other. We understood what it felt like to repeatedly have to answer the "So, are you trying yet?" questions, since we got married within 6 months of each other almost 6 years ago.
But I eventually got pregnant with Buttercup while Sara got left behind in the land of Those Still Trying. And bless her sweet and giving heart, her tears of joy and Congratulations For Being Pregnant gift were the most touching responses I can remember. No matter how much it may have hurt, she was still happy for me.
I recently started reading her blog and well, I kind of feel like a big a-hole now.
I got caught up in being a mommy and while Sara keeps me updated on her journey, I'm think I forgot what it felt like to be on that side. But getting peed on when the baby's diaper is too big will do that to you, I guess.
Is it weird to feel sorry for having gotten pregnant first? For it being easier because I didn't have to deal with the "want" for as long? For having a baby?
And since I never shared any of that online, anyone reading my blog may just assume I got knocked up without even trying. (That's why I wish I had started writing this sooner.)
But I am crossing my fingers and praying that Sara will be a mommy soon. Come hell or high water, she'll make a baby very lucky some day when she holds it close to her heart for the first of many times.

It is now 1:51 a.m. And yes, I waited 'till the last minute on every writing assignment in high school and college and Aced all of them. But before you decide to hate me, I need a calculator to add 2 +2.


Lori said...

I had/have? PCOS too. It took me 5 years and 4 miscarriages to have Kate. I feel bad for my cousin who would make a wonderful mommy and has to do Invitro if she wants a baby. I feel guilty for getting any mommy blues or tired of reading the same book over and over when there are moms out there who don't have a baby to read to.

Pauline said...

That is exactly what I mean, Lori. Being a mom is reawrding and hard at the same time.
But it was harder to get pregnant, I think. But I got there. I really hop my friend and your cousin become pregnant!
I'm sure they'd both make great moms!